Rub This on Your Face To Feel Better About Yourself

"Proactive" used to be a seldom used word that meant taking care of problems before they arise.  Now if you google the term the first result is for the company Proactiv, makers of multiple products that all do the exact same thing: treat acne.  If you've ever watched late night TV you've been assaulted with Proactiv long-form commercials featuring mostly B-list actresses (and Adam Levine) and testimonials from regular jack-offs like yourself.  They play them relentlessly during late-night TV because that's when all the acne-having uglies are at home watching TV, but you've probably seen them during the day or evening too, because Proactiv is nothing if not persistent about making you feel bad about yourself.

Almost every Proactiv commercial follows the same basic formula.  A celebrity tells you "I know I'm widely regarded as a standard of beauty that you can only dream about achieving, but even I sometimes get pimples and can feel insecure about myself.  But it's ok, because I just use Proactiv instead of dealing with my unhealthy self-esteem problems."  This is followed by a friendly voice-over explaining the scientific and medical workings of the "new" Proactiv (every single Proactiv commercial describes their product as a new product) while a cartoon graphic shows acne disappearing and pores being cleaned by their "secret" "advanced micro-crystal medicine."  User testimonials about how Proactiv changed people from losers to confident popular people will then play while of course showing before and after pictures with a disclaimer saying "results will vary."  Almost all of these commercials end the same way as a basic infomercial ends: by telling you the products are worth so much more than what you'll pay if you call within some set time limit, because you don't just need to buy their product, you need to buy it right now.

The basic format of these commercials is insulting, but even worse are the actual user testimonials which seem to have been heavily edited to ensure they're as vapid and meaningless as possible.  One commercial features the line "you put it on and it just feels like it's making those blackheads come out, just like pow pow pow." which basically sums up what Proactiv thinks of the average intelligence of its customers.  That same commercial actually describes the product using the term "miracle gel," which should automatically raise all sorts of red flags the same way that any snake-oil salesman claiming to have a miracle product does.  Another commercial trying to sell a special brush that somehow applies their miracle product in a way that's more miraculous claims that "This isn't just any brush, it's the only one from the doctors at Proactiv," or in other words, "this isn't just any brush, it's the only one made by the people we employ!"

But if all that talk of doctors and product value are too much for you, don't worry, because Proactiv actually makes an almost identical product that's targeted at a much more impressionable and less knowledgeable audience: teenagers.  X Out is "the world's first wash-in treatment" which seems to imply that it's a different type of product than Proactiv despite being and doing the exact same thing.  Commercials for this product are completely devoid of any kind of meaningful information, revealing that the makers of Proactiv think selling their product to children is like shooting fish in a barrel.  They feature lines like "You can feel it working with a blast of icy cool," followed by clear-faced teens saying things like "like a WOOSH of wind," and "it's just, SCHHH, AHHH."  The ads always end by saying that unlike most legitimate products, it's not sold in a store so call now and order to get free products.

The main problem with these commercials is that it tells you it's not OK to have any sort of skin blemishes.  Sure, everyone gets them, even B-list celebrities, but if you want to be confident and successful you need this product to get rid of them, and you need a steady supply of it because you're not actually preventing future blemishes the way the word "proactive" suggests, you're just getting rid of already existing ones.  They put themselves forward as a company that's helping people overcome their self-esteem issues, but what they really do is prey on those insecurities by offering the simple solution of "just be better looking."  The way they present the products in their commercials makes it very clear that the makers of Proactiv only care about selling as many products as possible to the most impressionable and unintelligent audience they can find.  If you need any more proof that Proactiv truly believes that beauty and happiness are only skin deep, look no further than this simple internet ad:

This Valentine's, Consider a Hooker

Recently I was scrolling through my Facebook "newsfeed" (feed trough) looking for some mindless feel-good stories, when a story about a prostitution sting caught my eye because it's much more interesting than your stupid kids and pets.  It struck me as odd that prostitution stings designed to catch would-be customers rather than those running the prostitution rings still take place.  In fact, it's startling to think that we live in a society which any number of sexual acts between consenting adults are perfectly fine, but as soon as there's any mention of money everyone involved becomes a criminal.

Opponents of prostitution argue that it leads to the abuse and sometimes even slavery of the sex workers, which is obviously a very serious and valid complaint.  However, keeping prostitution illegal does not solve that problem, it intensifies it.  By keeping it a criminal activity, we force prostitutes to associate with pimps rather than legitimate business owners, we give them no legal recourse if abused or cheated, and we give society another excuse to not care about their well-being.  The way we handle prostitution right now is equivalent to trying to prevent abuse of racing greyhounds by arresting everyone involved, including the responsible owners, the dogs themselves, and anyone who shows up to place a bet.

Of course there's also the moral "argument" that prostitution and is a degenerate activity which destroys families and communities.  You know, just like gambling.  This line of thought is so puritanical that it was the basic argument used by the Temperance movement to pass prohibition.  We live in a world in which hundreds of websites, dozens of apps, and most bars exist for the express purpose of finding people to have relatively anonymous sex with.  If your will is really so weak that you'd devolve into a life of debauchery simply because the option is suddenly available, then you may as well start enforcing burkas.

The United States has a multi-billion dollar industry that revolves around just watching other people have sex; the amount of revenue they could bring in with legalized prostitution is astronomical.  They could regulate the industry to significantly reduce STD transmission, abuse, payment disputes, ensure that registered sex workers stay within designated areas instead of just walking the street.  Legalizing prostitution would also take money out of the hands of criminal organizations and prevent treating otherwise productive members of society like criminals for engaging in a consensual recreational activity.

There isn't a single good reason to continue enforcing our current prostitution laws.  Every dollar spent by our police on stings to arrest customers or close down brothels is an affront to your rights as a consenting adult.  This Valentine's Day, consider a hooker and tell your legislators that you're sick of the current system generally screwing everybody.