The Wolf Among Us

Since as of the time I'm writing this the Playstation Network is still down, I've been playing The Wolf Among Us on an un-networked PS4 instead of the game I was really looking forward to since I made my Christmas list.  If you haven't heard of this game before, it's probably because it's far from your typical video game

The Wolf Among Us is by Telltale Games, a company which is practically synonymous with the genre of game they make.  It describes itself as a "graphic adventure game," but contrary to almost every other use of the word "graphic" to describe video games, what it means is that it's an incredibly immersive story-based role playing game (don't worry, it's also graphic).  There is little of what modern gamers would recognize as gameplay.  You don't run around through an environment of non-stop action and linear story.  Instead, this game focuses on bringing you an in-depth look at a pivotal series of events in the lives of its characters.  Player interaction with the game is almost entirely in the form of choosing how your character responds to others and what he notices in the environment.  By now most of you are probably thinking "that sounds boring," and you'd be right, if not for the phenomenal story the game is based around.

You play as Bigby Wolf (read Big B. Wolf) the Sheriff of a small community of Fables living in New York City.  Fables are characters from myths, legends, and especially fairy tales who live in the real world, but instead of the Disney versions you're probably used to, none of these Fables lived happily ever after.  This dark, half-familiar world is the perfect setting for a game which revolves around story and character: the way you interact with the story elements allows you to either flush out details and become a part of this unique community, or shut yourself out like a cold son of a bitch.

The amount of influence you have over the game is reminiscent of old text-based games or a choose-your-own-adventure novel.  The game allows you to choose how your character acts in the world, whether that's a by-the-books lawman, loose-cannon cop, or dozens of in-betweens, and the NPCs react accordingly.  What you say and what you do affects the development of all the characters, and good or bad, you'll have to live with the consequences for the rest of the game.  Sometimes you'll pick what you think sounds like a reasonable dialogue choice and immediately regret it when another character throws it back in your face, sometimes you'll be surprised how well things worked out for you.  More than anything you'll feel that your choices are an integral part of how the story advances.

The graphics aren't stunning, but they do fit the game by further its graphic novel style.  The same could be said about the controls. For most of the game you can hold the controller with one hand while you snack with the other, although you definitely still have to pay attention as NPCs will just assume you're giving them the silent treatment if you take too long to respond.  Overall I'd say if you're looking for a fast-paced action-packed game then this is definitely not the choice for you.  If you want a unique story with amazing scripting that feels fresh the entire way through (guaranteed no grinding) then you'll probably want to play this a few times over.

Stupid Things People Say

Apples to Oranges - It's an expression that means two things are totally different and beyond comparison, yet apples and oranges aren't that different.  They're both fruits, they grow on trees, have skin on the outside and seeds inside, etc.  Any 4th grader could draw you a venn diagram of apples and oranges.  It would make more sense to say "like nuclear submarines to shag carpets."

The Definition of Insanity Is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over and Expecting Different Results - That could be the definition of "unreasonable expectations," but mental health professionals around the world have a very long and precise list of what constitutes a serious mental illness, (ie insanity) and somewhere in there is repeating sayings as if they're facts.

It Takes All Kinds - No it doesn't.  The world would be much better off without some kinds. Rapists, violent psychopaths, corrupt authority figures, etc are not essential parts of our society, and neither is the shitty person you're defending when you say "it takes all kinds."

Engaged To Be Married - Unless you're also stupid to be unlearned pick one.

Yeah, No/No, Yeah - A totally different case of just pick one.  People use this almost as a filler to show they're paying attention but it does the exact opposite.  It always just sounds like "I don't care, it's my turn to talk now."

Public Nuisance - Generally used to describe low level offenders who have pissed off their neighbors.  Should be used to describe Wall St. bankers who crippled our economy, "too big to fail" companies which required bailouts, companies who destroy the environment, corrupt politicians, and all others who routinely screw large groups of people for their own gain.  A Wal-Mart in your town is a bigger public nuisance than any of your neighbors will ever be.

ATM Machine/PIN Number - Just as dumb as saying scuba apparatus, light laser, NASCAR racing, gross GDP, or Navy NCIS.

Fight Fire with Fire - Have you ever wondered why flamethrowers aren't standard issue for firefighters (outside of Fahrenheit 451)?  It's because fire is one of the least effective ways of fighting fire.  Every Pokemon trainer knows this.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up/Stranger Than Fiction - All sayings that try to tell you real life is more surprising than imagination are complete BS.  In real life you go to work and the most interesting thing that can possibly happen is Keifer Sutherland bursts onto the scene to detain your boss who is really a terrorist.  It could happen, but it won't.  Because real life blows.

Keep Calm And . . . - It doesn't matter what you follow that with, all options are terrible.  I don't know or care how people began attaching literally anything you could think of to this phrase and thinking themselves somehow clever or amusing, but it has to stop if we as a society are to progress.

You Don't Know Me - Has never been said by someone I'd like to get to know.  Routinely used as a way of saying "don't judge me" in the most aggressively bitchy way possible.  It's a sure sign that the speaker is defensive, withdrawn, and unable or unwilling to express complex ideas.

Sassy - People who describe themselves as "sassy" are basically saying that they think they're clever but they're really just annoying.  It's a quality that people seem to think is endearing despite the fact that it's very heavily tied in with narcissism.  Sassy people think that whatever they have to say is important, and they  aren't afraid to interrupt or belittle the ideas of others to show how smart they think they are.  For whatever reason we almost always use this term for women and gay men, but the closest thing we use for men is probably "smug" (although I personally think "smug" has passive connotations while "sassy" is more active).

Worst City Title in the US

I recently came across this article through a Facebook friend about an Oklahoma City police officer being charged with three dozen counts of sexual assault.  It's obviously a very troubling story but not exactly what I want to talk about here.  While I do hope for all victims of abuse of any kind to receive justice, what I couldn't stop focusing on was the picture in the article, which I've reproduced here. (picture credit to Paul L. McCord Jr. [I think.  The original article just gives that name with a link to a Flickr page.  Although that's more credit than the writer, Mr. or Ms. "Feminist Newswire" received])

It took me a while to wrap my head around this picture because I wasn't aware that Oklahoma City refers to itself as "The City of Oklahoma City," which, let's be honest with ourselves, is completely insane.  I stared at the text in this photo for a while trying to make sense of it, because surely, I thought, no one would do that.  Instead this poorly designed logo (note the weird spacing)  must be meant to be read like "The City of Oklahoma: City Police," or even "The City of Oklahoma City Police" with no breaks or pauses in a misguided attempt at seeming protective while really just being ominously possessive.  Somehow worse than that is the actual answer: Oklahoma City is the city equivalent of a person who talks in third person.

If you go the extra mile and add the state to the end you have "The City of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma," (capital city of the state of Oklahoma) which can easily be said with just the two words: "Oklahoma City."  It needs no further explanation.  It's literally smack dab in the middle of Oklahoma, and unlike what you probably think of when you hear "Oklahoma," it's a city.  If you had never heard of it before there are still two assumptions you would have made upon hearing of Oklahoma City: 1) it is a city 2) it is in Oklahoma.  But still, just in case you didn't figure it out, Oklahoma City would like to remind you that it is a city.

Further investigations into this matter show that there is no Town of Oklahoma City, no Oklahoma City County, (the county the city is in is actually called [surprise] Oklahoma County) no People's Republic of Oklahoma City, no State of Oklahoma and Oklahoma City Plantations, and as far as I can tell there are no celestial bodies of any kind named Oklahoma City (although who knows what's really out there?).  There are no other places, concepts or entities of any kind with which Oklahoma City can possibly be confused, so why are they doubling down on the citys (sic) like they're pieces of fried chicken that are somehow the healthiest parts of the sandwich they're in?

To be fair to Oklahoma City, they are still the number one city in the US if you rank cities by the number of times they call themselves a city.  Even New York sticks to at most just New York City or the City of New York, but never both at the same time, so in that regard they beat what is largely considered the greatest city in the world.  Congratulations.  Now that that's been said they can finally stop overcompensating and stick to being one city at a time.

Double Zero

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Still The World Turns

She spins so slowly, sultry,
Silver stars streaking sundered skies.
Sighing softly, soulfully, singing so sublime.
Subliminally screaming, shattered,
Shipwrecked she sinks, slipping, spiraling,
Somersaulting sickness settles:
Somehow still smiling, supine.
Such stillness steeled,
Seeking sanctuary, some sliver,
Sonorous shores she swirls
Seas sore so spilling synchronized signs.
Swarming, slashing, strangling, scratching,
Screeching, snarling, snorting, smashing,
Systematically subtracting sacred symphonies.
Somehow still smiling,
She spins so slowly.