Why Can't We Just Celebrate Spring?

Today is Good Friday, the second most widely recognized of the cluster of nonsensical religious holidays which leads to Easter.  Yes Easter, the day when Jesus, who, like many hillbillies, is the Father and yet also the Son, returns from his three day cave nap to again walk the earth.  We of course, celebrate this holiday by giving chocolate rabbits and stashing brightly painted eggs all over the place, just as Jesus would have wanted it.

I understand the need for some sort of celebration of Spring.  Winter sucks.  Now the snow is finally melted, the birds are starting to return, animals are out of hibernation.  On the surface that's what this holiday is supposed to be about: new life.  But the Catholic Church can't have you running around enjoying life and being all happy, so we get the sick lead up to Easter which is Lent, Ash Wednesday, and Good Friday.

Lent, of course, is the 40 day period where you're supposed to give up eating meat as a sort of proxy-sacrifice for Jesus.  The idea behind this is to penance and self-sacrifice, a sort of "Now you sit in the corner and think about all the ways you hurt poor Jesus."  This generally goes from Ash Wednesday until Good Friday, which is supposedly the day Jesus was crucified.

Which brings us to the main event.  Jesus died for your sins, you filthy swine.  Well, for three days at least.  Because we all know that on Sunday he got up, dusted himself off, and saw to organizing the most corrupt institution known to mankind.  The sacrificial rebirth trick: oldest trick in the book.  It's how the Christians have their cake and eat it too.  Because any logical person would be happy to tell you that you can either die for someone's sins or still be alive, but you sure as shit can't do both at the same time.