Stupid Things People Say

Apples to Oranges - It's an expression that means two things are totally different and beyond comparison, yet apples and oranges aren't that different.  They're both fruits, they grow on trees, have skin on the outside and seeds inside, etc.  Any 4th grader could draw you a venn diagram of apples and oranges.  It would make more sense to say "like nuclear submarines to shag carpets."

The Definition of Insanity Is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over and Expecting Different Results - That could be the definition of "unreasonable expectations," but mental health professionals around the world have a very long and precise list of what constitutes a serious mental illness, (ie insanity) and somewhere in there is repeating sayings as if they're facts.

It Takes All Kinds - No it doesn't.  The world would be much better off without some kinds. Rapists, violent psychopaths, corrupt authority figures, etc are not essential parts of our society, and neither is the shitty person you're defending when you say "it takes all kinds."

Engaged To Be Married - Unless you're also stupid to be unlearned pick one.

Yeah, No/No, Yeah - A totally different case of just pick one.  People use this almost as a filler to show they're paying attention but it does the exact opposite.  It always just sounds like "I don't care, it's my turn to talk now."

Public Nuisance - Generally used to describe low level offenders who have pissed off their neighbors.  Should be used to describe Wall St. bankers who crippled our economy, "too big to fail" companies which required bailouts, companies who destroy the environment, corrupt politicians, and all others who routinely screw large groups of people for their own gain.  A Wal-Mart in your town is a bigger public nuisance than any of your neighbors will ever be.

ATM Machine/PIN Number - Just as dumb as saying scuba apparatus, light laser, NASCAR racing, gross GDP, or Navy NCIS.

Fight Fire with Fire - Have you ever wondered why flamethrowers aren't standard issue for firefighters (outside of Fahrenheit 451)?  It's because fire is one of the least effective ways of fighting fire.  Every Pokemon trainer knows this.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up/Stranger Than Fiction - All sayings that try to tell you real life is more surprising than imagination are complete BS.  In real life you go to work and the most interesting thing that can possibly happen is Keifer Sutherland bursts onto the scene to detain your boss who is really a terrorist.  It could happen, but it won't.  Because real life blows.

Keep Calm And . . . - It doesn't matter what you follow that with, all options are terrible.  I don't know or care how people began attaching literally anything you could think of to this phrase and thinking themselves somehow clever or amusing, but it has to stop if we as a society are to progress.

You Don't Know Me - Has never been said by someone I'd like to get to know.  Routinely used as a way of saying "don't judge me" in the most aggressively bitchy way possible.  It's a sure sign that the speaker is defensive, withdrawn, and unable or unwilling to express complex ideas.

Sassy - People who describe themselves as "sassy" are basically saying that they think they're clever but they're really just annoying.  It's a quality that people seem to think is endearing despite the fact that it's very heavily tied in with narcissism.  Sassy people think that whatever they have to say is important, and they  aren't afraid to interrupt or belittle the ideas of others to show how smart they think they are.  For whatever reason we almost always use this term for women and gay men, but the closest thing we use for men is probably "smug" (although I personally think "smug" has passive connotations while "sassy" is more active).